And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
