When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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