you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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