i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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