Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
