It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
