How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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