I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
