I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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