the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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