Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
