I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
