can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
