Do you still have your period?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
