Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
