The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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