i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
