Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Vodka?
Forever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
