this beer tastes like vomit already
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
