Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
