literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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