i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
