I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
