Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
