If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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