Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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