How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
