The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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