glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
