i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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