this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
