I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
