I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
