On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
