Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
