Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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