just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
