garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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