He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
