somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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