I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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