he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think your dad took our porno
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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