i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
