Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
