my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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