and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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