I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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