he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They have beer where we have blood.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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