So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
