I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I looked at my own cervix.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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