whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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